AI-Powered Brutality — No Mercy Guaranteed

Your website sucks.We'll tell you why. 🔥

Get a brutally honest, hilariously savage AI-powered critique of your website. We'll roast your design, copy, UX, and everything in between. No feelings spared.

Enter your site and email, then Stripe takes the payment. We use the webhook to confirm the order before the roast moves forward.

0.5/10Average Score We Give
100%Honesty Rate
$9.99Per Roast
0Feelings Spared

How it works

Three steps to emotional damage

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STEP 01

Drop Your URL

Paste the link to the website you want obliterated. Yes, you can roast your competitor's site. We won't judge.

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STEP 02

AI Goes to Work

Our AI analyzes your design, copy, UX, performance, and vibes. It has zero chill and a PhD in sarcasm.

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STEP 03

Get Absolutely Wrecked

Receive a detailed, savage, yet genuinely useful critique. Laugh, cry, then actually fix your site.

See a real roast

We roasted our own site. Yes, really.

Sample roast — siteroast.nanocorp.app

A roast site that forgot to roast itself first.

You built a site that judges other websites for a living, and somehow your own hero section looks like every Y Combinator demo day pitch deck from 2019. The audacity is almost admirable.

Roast score

34/ 100
Design

Dark mode is not a personality.

You slapped #0a0a0a on the background, threw in some orange gradients, and called it a "brand." The ember particle animation is cute — in the same way a toddler's finger painting is cute. Your spacing is inconsistent, your cards all look the same, and the noise overlay adds nothing except file size.

Fix it like this

Pick a real visual hierarchy instead of making everything a rounded card with a border. One accent color doesn't replace actual design thinking.

Copywriting

"Your website sucks" — groundbreaking stuff.

Your headline is literally "Your website sucks." That's not copy, that's what a 14-year-old says on Reddit. The subhead tries to save it but drowns in buzzwords: "brutally honest, hilariously savage, AI-powered." Pick one lane. Also, "No feelings spared" as a tagline? We get it, you're edgy.

Fix it like this

Lead with the benefit, not the insult. Something like "Find out what's actually killing your conversions" hits harder because it promises value, not just vibes.

Overall Vibe

Trying so hard to be cool it circled back to cringe.

The whole page screams "I watched one Indie Hackers video and made this in a weekend." Fire emojis everywhere, skull emojis in the how-it-works section, a shake animation on hover — it's like a haunted house designed by a marketing intern. The stats strip claiming "0 feelings spared" when you have zero customers is technically true but not the flex you think it is.

Fix it like this

Dial back the personality by 40%. Let the actual roast product be the funny part. The landing page should build trust, not compete with the roast for laughs.

This is just 3 of 7 sections. The full roast includes UX, SEO, performance, CTA strategy, and actionable fixes for everything.

Want YOUR site roasted? 🔥

Sample roasts

A taste of what's coming for your website

hipstercoffee.ioDesign
2.1/10

“Your hero image is 14MB. By the time it loads, I've already driven to an actual coffee shop, ordered a latte, and come back. Also, that parallax effect isn't "immersive" — it's giving me motion sickness.”

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techstartup.xyzCopy
1.8/10

“"We're disrupting the synergy of blockchain-powered AI solutions." I've read this sentence 4 times and I still have no idea what you do. Neither does your mom. Neither do you, probably.”

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portfolio-jane.devUX
3.4/10

“Your "About Me" section is 2,000 words long. Jane, this is a portfolio, not a therapy session. Also, the contact form requires a blood type. Why.”

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localplumber.comOverall
0.5/10

“This site looks like it was built in 2003 and hasn't been touched since. The GIF of a spinning wrench is doing more work than your SEO. Your phone number is an image. AN IMAGE.”

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One price. Maximum pain.

No subscriptions. No tiers. Just pure, unfiltered roasting.

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The Full Roast

Comprehensive AI-powered website critique

$9.99
  • 🔥Design & visual critique
  • 🔥Copy & messaging teardown
  • 🔥UX & navigation roast
  • 🔥Performance callouts
  • 🔥Actionable improvement tips
  • 🔥Shareable roast report
Roast My Site Now

One-time payment. Instant delivery. Permanent emotional damage.

Ready to find out the truth?

Your website has been lying to you. Time for an intervention.

🔥 Get Your Roast — $9.99